Tyler: Peter, we’re here tonight to discuss the French New Wave and auteur theory. First example: Francois Truffaut’s Le Chat, Garfield.

Just kidding! It’s the holiday season, readers, and we’re this evening dropping some knowledge (?) about 1987’s televised A Garfield Christmas Special.

Peter: This is a first, I believe. Have we done a TV show before?

Tyler: Closest we’ve come is reviewing “We Are The World.”

Peter: Well, there you go! It’s like Santa came early! But all he brought you was this chat.

Tyler: “Why does Santa hate our family?”

Peter: So, we should say, this was your pick. What’s the story? Did you watch this as a youngster? Is it a “treasured childhood memory” (as my mom would say)?

Tyler: Absolutely watched it as a kid, with enthusiasm. Garfield hasn’t aged as an especially incisive comic strip, and by high school I’d breeze over it wondering where in the hell the new jokes were. But, I loved the big fat tabby in youth. The Christmas special made me feel nice.

Peter: Well, I was also a fan of Garfield in the ’80s. I was a fan of holiday specials as well, so I am absolutely sure I watched this in my youth, though it didn’t ring any bells as I watched it with my wife and son on Sunday afternoon.

Tyler: This time around, I was in the company of my girlfriend and her son. Trial by fire for Garfield in both our homes!

Peter: Okay, well let’s get into it. It’s time to hop in the wayback machine and head all the way back to 1987!

“It was a tumultuous time for our nation. The clear-beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek. And the domestication of the dog continued unabated.”

Wait, that was later.

Max Headroom?

Tyler: 1987 was far more primitive. Trump in the news and financial tumult in the offing.

Peter: Oof. Facts.

Tyler: Have you ever seen the Max Headroom Chicago public TV incident from around that era?

Peter: Yeah, I think because of you. Creepy stuff.

Tyler: They’re still out there, Peter.

Anyway. Yuletide!

Peter: “There’ll be scary ghost stories/And tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago!”

Okay, so we open with a dream sequence. Spoiler alert, I guess. You don’t know it’s a dream sequence at first, but then Jon gives Garfield a gift wishing chair thing.

But first he eats like ten lasagnas, because Garfield loves lasagna!

Tyler: That cat, he’s so fat. Fat because he loves lasagna!

Peter: He also doesn’t work out.

Tyler: Not explored here: his love of strong coffee.

Peter: That classic combo: coffee and lasagna.

Garfield wishes for jewels and then, when they appear in his paws, proclaims, “Now this is what Christmas is all about!” Cue Main Title!

Tyler: And Lou Rawls!

Peter: There are songs in this. A bunch of them.

Tyler: C’mon, man! Who doesn’t think of musical interludes when they think of these characters? Lest we forget the early-’80s Garfield version of Cabaret.

Peter: Is that a thing?!? I’d watch that.

Tyler: Oh, mercy, how it should be.

Peter: I was too enthusiastic in my reply. I’ve revealed something of myself.

Tyler: If it’s a desire for comic strip interpretations of classic musicals, I can thus suggest 1993’s Calvin and Hobbes translation of Fiddler On The Roof. Hobbes plays Topol’s part.

I feel like I’m about to break off film-major talk here, but I kinda dig how half-drab Jon’s house is on Christmas Eve, after the dream sequence dissipates. Basic stockings and a simple tree. Dude is a bachelor, after all.

You know in recent years they actually got him and Liz the veterinarian together?

Peter: That’s what my son said! I didn’t know that. Crazy. What’s next? Cathy finding a bathing suit she likes? Andy Capp not hitting his wife?

Tyler: Hi and Lois? Splitsville.

Peter: Don’t even joke about it.

Tyler: Well, Garfield Christmas-wise, Liz is nowhere to be seen. As is revealed to a crabby Garfield before he can have any of that coffee, he, Jon, and Odie are off to the Arbuckle family farm.

Peter: There is another song on the way to the farm. This time Jon and Garfield sing.

Tyler: It’s been in my head for days. Days.

“Doc Boy would get in the way…”

Peter: I’m not going to lie. I’m not a huge fan of the song.

Tyler: It’s pretty rough.

But, I want to highlight the evergreen gag that is Jon’s brother being named “Doc Boy.”

Peter: I learned from Wikipedia that, “In writing the teleplay, Davis based it on experiences he had celebrating Christmas with his family on their farm in Indiana, with many Arbuckles modeled after Davis family members. Davis’ real-life brother was known as Doc Boy.”

Tyler: What we need is a Blu-Ray release complete with commentary from various Davises.

Peter: That would rule.

At the farm, we meet Jon’s family. “Doc Boy” is voiced by David Lander, Squiggy, of “Lenny and Squiggy” from TV’s Laverne & Shirley, fame.

Tyler: I love it. Celebrity sparkle.

Lorenzo Music, of course, is the voice of Garfield, stupendously so.

Peter: Yeah, all snark aside, they nailed that. He is the voice of Garfield.

Tyler: So good. Classic.

Peter: We also meet Jon’s mom and dad, and his grandma which turns into a whole thing because, it turns out, “she’s a lot.”

Tyler: You catch how the Arbuckle men shake hands, not hug?

Peter: Just one of many disturbing insights into what shaped the man who birthed Garfield contained in this special.

He kind of flirts with his grandma.

Tyler: “How’s my favorite girl?”

Peter: I know!

Tyler: God, how I wish I could say I took notes and am not just recalling exact lines.

Of course, then I’d have taken notes on A Garfield Christmas Special. Catch-22. By Joseph Heller, who actually did a pass on this teleplay.

Peter: He also had a weird thing with his grandma. I think.

I heard that somewhere.

Tyler: I gotta concede, the special yanked a solid guffaw outta me when, after Grandma hoots something like “I remember back when all we had were wood-burning cats!”, Garfield’s eyelids fall drily half-closed to the audience as he mutters “Bizarre.”

Peter: That’s about as funny as it gets. It’s not shooting for the moon, this thing. After we meet the family, there’s a series of holiday-themed vignettes of varying quality.

Tyler: Grandma, Such-‘n-So County gravy champion, puts chili powder in her daughter-in-law’s sausage gravy!

I suppose Grandma and Jon’s mom could be the relation. Their rapport seems strained, if that’s the case.

Peter: Doc Boy prays too long at Christmas Eve dinner!

It’s gold, Jerry! Gold!

Tyler: Up to something throughout the proceedings is Odie. That dumb dog!

One of my all-time favorite Garfield strips depicted the pup as a secret genius reading like War and Peace in front of Masterpiece Theatre after Jon and Garfield leave the house.

Peter: Odie and Garfield have a moment near the end. Spoiler alert!

Tyler: Some odd traditions at Arbuckle Farm. They wait until Christmas Eve to trim the tree, and then feast that same night. What sort of Saturnalia pageantry is this?

Peter: How old is Jon supposed to be?

Tyler: They’ve gotta be shooting for late twenties, right? Thirties at the latest.

I know the dude’s supposed to be a sadsack, but if we were realistic here, Garfield wouldn’t have made it past 1997. That’s generous, given his weight.

Jon: forever young!

Peter: He and Doc Boy wake up their dad at 1:30 AM on Christmas morning to open presents!

Tyler: Yeah, let’s have a discussion about Jon and Doc Boy just going around the bend as this special unfolds. Seemingly reasonable as we begin, the two are eventually prodding their poor father into a hyperactive reading of Binky: The Clown Who Saved Christmas—Mom tells a reluctant Dad “Think of the children!” or something like that—and then, yeah, the sheer indignance of their harassment of that father in the wee hours. Seriously, dudes, get a grip.

“It is technically Christmas morning.” “I know that and you know that.” You’re grown!

Peter: But before that, Garfield and Grandma have a real heart to heart on Christmas Eve! She misses her late husband, who sounds like the definition of toxic masculinity.

He only showed warmth toward the children on Christmas!

Tyler: Yeah. His eyes were loving!

Peter: Christmas Eve is the night she misses him most!

Tyler: Poor woman.

Peter: Luckily Garfield finds some old love letters he wrote to her during a musical number in the barn!

Tyler: Those love letters are quite a revelation. Seas of ink and skies of parchment?

This dude was clearly lovebombing.

Peter: It worked!

Anyway, Grandma loves the letters and Odie made Garfield a back scratcher because Jesus. Or Santa? Whatever.

Then there’s another song.

Tyler: Jon’s gift is a sweater that doesn’t fit. Pops Arbuckle gets a cowboy hat, maybe?

Peter: As the old testament predicted!

Tyler: The songs really, just, boy.

Peter: It’s a trip. It’s a journey. Like the wise men on their way to see baby Jesus. Though this is more based in fact.

Happy Christmas, Tyler!

Tyler: Grandma’s shirt has a star on it! Garfield, Jon, and Odie are the magi!

Peter: I can’t believe I missed that.

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