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Peter: Can you imagine a holiday season without this album?

Tyler: It’s iconic.

And contains at least one of the greatest Christmas songs ever created.

I’m obviously talking about the track that features Phil Spector speaking.  “If I Did It.”  I mean “Silent Night.”

Peter: That song is a trip.

Yeah, he’s a murderer. I suppose we have to mention it.

We’re not condoning the murder.

Tyler: Wouldn’t be very Christmassy.

Peter: We should say the name of the album! It’s A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector.

Tyler: Even the title is something else.  Producers don’t headline albums.

Peter: I was thinking the same thing.

Tyler: A Christmas Gift For You would probably have been fine. Maybe.

I dunno.  The dude gave us “Be My Baby.”  A certain element of hubris is justified.

Peter: It’s true. “Be My Baby,” is a special song.

Tyler: Brian Wilson’s favorite, that one.

Peter: Brian has said that Christmas Gift is his favorite album.

Tyler: Really!

Peter: It makes some sense. He’s like a big child.

A brilliant, big child.

This actually didn’t sell well when it came out.

Tyler: I imagine it was tough to find a marketing angle, given Spector as the primary selling point.

Peter: Yeah, could be. Apple re-released it in the early seventies and it kind of caught a second wind.

This album came out the day JFK was assassinated. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Tyler: He knew!  Phil knew about the conspiracy!

Peter: It’s obvious now.

Tyler: Let’s crack on these songs.  “White Christmas,” performed here by Darlene Love, kicks things off.

Peter: It’s terrific. All of these songs get Phil’s Wall of Sound treatment, of course.

Tyler: So much instrumentation, all blended up into that indelible style.  You know it when you hear it.

Peter: I wonder if those new high tech computers can isolate the instruments now. Seems impossible. It’s a wonderful stew.

They added a little spoken word bit about being in southern California during the holidays. It’s fun.

Tyler: Speaking of fun, next up is pure whimsy: “Frosty The Snowman,” belted out by The Ronettes.

Peter: Can I tell you a fun fact about “White Christmas” first?

Tyler: Oh, please, by all means.

Peter: On April 30, 1975, it was played on Saigon radio as a secret, prearranged signal to Americans that the fall of South Vietnam was imminent.

Tyler: That is fascinating.

Peter: They were supposed to play the Bing Crosby version but the DJ couldn’t find it so he played Tennessee Ernie Ford’s version instead.

Anyway, “Frosty!”

Tyler: I really like this one.

Peter: Do you like this song in general?

Tyler: I enjoy it, for what it is, anyway.  A delightful Christmas lark.  Though it is one of those holiday songs that has nothing to do with the holidays at all.  Kind of like “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!”

Peter: Yes! They never mention anything holiday related! I want to talk about that more later on.

I’m not a fan of the song, but I like this version.

This song is playing during the Christmas party in Goodfellas. It’s followed in the movie by “Christmas” from side two of this record. Movie magic!

Or someone flipped the record really quickly.

Tyler: Marty flubbed it!

Peter: Or he’s trying to pull a fast one!

Tyler: Just like his Rolling Thunder Revue documentary.

Peter: I never saw that.

Tyler: I enjoyed it, but I’m a Dylan nerd.  Folding in the mistruths was a little much for my tastes, though.

Peter: They’re all a bunch of liars!

Artists, I mean.

Tyler: Fibbers!  Charlatans!

Peter: The whole lot. Okay, “The Bells of St. Mary” is up next.The whole lot. Okay, “The Bells of St. Mary” is up next.

Tyler: By the memorably named Bob B. Soxx and the Blue Jeans.

Peter: We hadn’t heard the last of them!

Just kidding.

I had never heard of them, but they sound good here.

Tyler: Bob B.’s voice isn’t my all-time favorite.  But it’s a good track.

Peter: This song doesn’t mention Christmas either.

Tyler: Doesn’t make any sense!  Why is this a “Christmas song?”

Peter: This isn’t the last of them on here!

Tyler: J’accuse, Spector!

This lack of holiday relevance isn’t quite a problem with the next tune.  “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town,” as performed by The Crystals.  Classic rendition.

Peter: Yeah. It’s a classic.

Per Wikipedia: “The arrangement of Bruce Springsteen’s version of ‘Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town’ is based in part on the Crystals’ version of the song.”

I don’t like that version.

Tyler: I did as a kid.  A few days ago, though, I heard Bruce’s cheeseball intro about the band being good and rehearsing, Santa bringing Clarence a new saxophone, all that jazz, and I was kinda like “Eh, I’m good here.”

I prefer the E Street “Merry Christmas Baby.”

Peter: Brian Wilson played on like 2 or 3 takes of Spector’s version in the studio.

Tyler: He must’ve been in heaven.

Peter: I think he was a little overwhelmed.

Tyler: That’d make sense.  Sensitive fellow, that Brian.

Peter: For sure.

“Sleigh Ride!”

Tyler: Ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!

This is breezy and I like it.

Peter: Yeah, those iconic backing vocals. This is one of the big ones.

It’s got great energy. And Ronnie Spector. That voice.

Tyler: I don’t think this song mentions Christmas.

A quick lyric check reveals that it does not.

Not that Ronnie doesn’t kill it.

Peter: It’s almost as if there’s some kind of war on Christmas.

Those people were right!

But it started way earlier than they thought!

Tyler: That Phil Spector!  He just couldn’t be content getting JFK.  He had to go after a whole holiday.

Peter: Surely the next song will mention something holiday related.

Tyler: Oh, but wait!

Peter: Spector, you bastard.

Tyler: “A Marshmallow World!”

Peter: I don’t have much else to say about “Marshmallow World.”

I wasn’t familiar with it.

Tyler: It reminds me a little of Homer Simpson dreaming of “The Land Of Chocolate.”

Peter: Me too!

I was going to mention that!

Tyler: “That was ten minutes ago!”

Peter: So good.

Tyler: True confession: until far too recently, I imagined that “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” was about the mother actually kissing Santa, and not a dressed-up dad.

Peter: That’s a fantastic confession! In your defense, it’s not a good song.

Tyler: It’s silly, that’s for damn sure.

Peter: This version, by The Ronettes, might be the best.

They do what they can with it.

Tyler: Yeah.  It’s a little bit thankless, that task.

But hey, Rudolph!

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” incoming.

Peter: I don’t like this song either. I don’t like Frosty. I don’t like Rudolph. I’m sorry. I don’t like the songs about Christmas characters. I don’t wanna learn their backstory. Find out if they are thriving in life. I don’t care about any of that.

Tyler: Scrooge!

“God bless us, no one.” -Peter

Peter: That’s an exact quote! I say that. All the time.

Tyler: Must be a festive season over there.

The Crystals, we should add, do this version of “Rudolph,” and I do like it.

Peter: Yeah, they do a good job. I do like this version.

Tyler: Darlene Love follows it up with “Winter Wonderland,” another non-holiday classic.

Peter: I never really noticed how many “Christmas” songs are just songs set in winter.

Tyler: That classic Christmas track, “Brick” by Ben Folds Five.

Peter: We don’t do it with summer and the 4th of July!

Tyler: Yeah, you get past the hymns and it’s a real crapshoot.

This “Winter Wonderland” is good, but I do wish Darlene was singing solo.

Peter: Hmm… I’ve never thought about that. I think I agree.

Tyler: I wonder how ol’ Phil decided what songs to use.  Choices like our next tune are, like, odd.

Peter: I was not familiar with this one!

Tyler: Me neither.  It is weird and yet catchy.

Peter: Both. Yeah.

Tyler: We’re talking about “Parade Of The Wooden Soldiers,” a track somewhat thanklessly given to The Crystals.  What is this song?

Peter: I did do research on this album, but I have no notes on this song!

It’s next to one of the greatest Christmas songs of all time!

How about that for a fact?

Tyler: You got that right.

Peter: It’s still thrilling.

Tyler: “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).”  Yes.  It’s a masterpiece.

The whole album, this entire exercise, is worth it even if only for this one.

Peter: Agreed. Darlene Love knocks it out of the park. Just one of those spine-tingling performances.

Tyler: Love it, love it, love it love it love it.

And hey, it’s a perfect album-closer.  No need for anything beyond it.  Right, Phil?

Peter: Wrong! It’s Bob B. Soxx & the Blue Jeans again! With “Here Comes Santa Claus.”

Tyler: This song does not need to be here.

Peter: It’s a buffer before the weirdness of “Silent Night.”

The horns are fun.

Tyler: “Santa knows that we’re God’s children” is such a weird combination of Santa lore and, y’know, actual religion.

Peter: That’s true!

Tyler: With “Silent Night,” then, closing it all out, we’ve finally got a hymn!  That Spector talks all over.

Just, so strange.

Peter: It’s truly bizarre. If you’ve never heard it, please go listen to it. It is a trip.

Phil tells us this album has been in the planning for “many, many months.” That doesn’t seem like that long.

At least he lets them sing at the end.

Tyler: What a ridiculous finale!

Peter: To a real corker of an album. Did I use that right? Corker?

Tyler: I think so.  Even if not, I like it.

Happy holidays, everybody!

Peter: Again, we do not condone murder.

Tyler: And that’s the spirit of the season.

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