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Tyler: Peter, are you ready to mess it up, mess it up, mess it up?

Peter: I am.

Tyler: There’s a new remix of this song on Spotify!  “Mess It Up,” I mean, the next track here.

Peter: How is it?

Tyler: I have not listened.  It is the “Purple Disco Machine Remix.”

Peter: Well, the original is catchy as hell. It gets stuck in my head a bit.

But, again this sounds like a Mick Jagger solo track. He sounds good, but where are Keith and Ronnie?

Tyler: This could probably be a Maroon 5 song. For better or for worse.

I’ve struggled to really articulate what’s missing here, on this track and on Hackney Diamonds overall.  There’s not much danger involved.

Peter: Yeah, it’s all kind of bland. Am I asking too much of a Rolling Stones record? I want to recognize the guitars as Keith and Ronnie. This could be session guys. There’s no personality to the backing track.

Tyler: You’re not asking too much.  One can respect and appreciated that they’re still out there getting after it, while also feeling that the latest work ain’t up to snuff.

Work like “Mess It Up” feels so, yeah, bland.

Peter: It’s all very competently done, and the tunes aren’t terrible.

Tyler: That’s a very fair assessment.  It’s sturdy, shiny pop-rock.

Well, not all the tunes aren’t terrible.  Hey, what have we here?  It’s “Live By The Sword!”

Peter: Yeah, this one is bad.

Tyler: And Elton’s on it!  Just pounding and rolling away on the keys, totally squandered.

Peter: The only reason this made the cut is because Elton John played on it. It’s something to say on a talk show.

We’re down to three active Stones, and all the special guests dilute the stew.

Tyler: So true.  This ain’t Ringo’s All-Starr Band!

“Live By The Sword” is plodding, and it’s got one of their least-clever crude-for-crude’s-sake one-liners I can recall.

Peter: I’m not going to say this is very lazy garbage, but it’s very lazy garbage adjacent.

Part of the melody feels vaguely racist.

Do you know what I mean? That first little intro?

Tyler: I hear that now that you mention it!

Oof.

Peter: Exactly! So weird.

Tyler: This is one of the songs that stopped me in my tracks over the last few weeks, spending time with the album.  Made me halt and think “Man, this thing is dreadful.”  That’s single-song bias, but, really, “Live By The Sword” is a turkey.

Peter: Agreed.

Tyler: Next up is “Driving Me Too Hard.”  This one kind of blends into the sequence for me.  It’s not offensive, it’s just barely there.

Peter: The intro sounds like “Tumbling Dice.”

Tyler: Oh yeah!

What are they doing here?  Why the callback?  They have to be aware of the similarity.  I think.

Peter: I wonder.

At least it feels a little more like a Stones track. I recognize the guitars as Keith and Ronnie! That’s all I ask.

Tyler: I wish we had better lyrics.  These here are pretty damn generic.

Peter: Yeah. It adds to the blandness.

Tyler: Got a litmus test now: Keith’s turn at the mic.  “Tell Me Straight.”

Peter: Keef!

This is a little bit “Thru and Thru,” a little bit “Thief In The Night.” Latter-day Keith has a way of writing mid-tempo ballads that smile sadly. This is one of those.

Tyler: It’s so low-key.  I don’t love it, truth be told, but it’s got some oxygen that most of this album sorely lacks.

I don’t wanna dislike a Keith track!  He’s Keith!

Peter: It’s true, though. It’s not great.

But it sounds more like the Stones.

Tyler: The gloss is gone.

Peter: This was the best Keith song they had?

Tyler: It doesn’t have much to it.  “Tell me straight,” as a lyric, is a little overused.

Peter: Agreed. Okay, the penultimate track!

Tyler: “Sweet Sounds Of Heaven.”  Their big climactic swing for the fences.

Peter: This could be the big one!

Tyler: Lady Gaga present for the festivities.

Peter: She picked a good one to guest on. It suits her.

Tyler: See, her here to me feels like another superstar flown in for mass appeal and name recognition.  Stew diluted.

Peter: Totally. But it’s a good Mick Jagger solo track.

Tyler: I end up wishing I was instead listening to “Shine A Light.”

Peter: Yeah, I can see that.

Stevie Wonder also guests on it.

Tyler: Hell, I didn’t know that.  They really stacked the deck, didn’t they?

Peter: For sure.

Still, I think this, and “Angry,” will make the next “Best of” compilation.

Tyler: Good call.

Peter: Okay! Last track!

Tyler: “Rolling Stone Blues,” they called it.  I see what they did there!

Peter: It’s Mick and Keith covering the song that gave the Stones their name. Kind of coming full circle.

Tyler: That’s a nice touch.

Peter: They sound good.

Tyler: I didn’t know it was a cover, I’m embarrassed to admit.  That belated knowledge lends this one a lot more credence in my book.

The Glimmer Twins unvarnished.

Peter: It’s nice to end with just the two of them.

Tyler: I agree.

Well, I just about ran this LP into the ground.  “Dreamy Skies!”  It’s there!

The question’s gotta be asked, my friend.

Better than Black And Blue?

Peter: They are so different.

Tyler: True.  I reckon that Hackney Diamonds is far more listenable.

Peter: Yeah, I have to go with this over B&B.

Tyler: I do rate Hackney below Dirty Work, which I revisited for the sake of comparison.

Peter: Wow, you revisited Dirty Work? That’s dedication to the craft right there. That’s what that is.

Tyler: I did!  I actually went to play B&B, too, but I couldn’t take more than a few seconds.  I decided life is way too short.

Peter: I listened to some of Bridges To Babylon.

Tyler: Oh yeah?  That one’s unknown to me.

Peter: It’s a lesser work. I would say. Voodoo Lounge is much better.

Tyler: Well, we’ve got a new Rolling Stones album in 2023.  It ain’t my taste.  But, eh, live and let live.

Peter: I think it’s fine. I’m glad they did it, but it’s not one of their more memorable outings.

Tyler: Is it greedy to hope for one more that rights the ship a little?

Peter: Naw. I think we’ll get at least one more.

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