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Tyler: Well, Peter, we’ve come again to the work of one of our favorites.  Hackney Diamonds, the new release from Aldous Snow and Infant Sorrow!

Peter: If only we could get some more Infant Sorrow.

Tyler: We got some!  Hackney Diamonds!

This isn’t real rock music.  It’s a facsimile of rock, with a glossy finish.

Peter: Oh! Spoiler alert, Tyler! You gotta stretch it out!

Tyler: Alright.  Let’s roll it back.  We’ve got here the first new-material Rolling Stones studio recording in eighteen years.  Their last fresh effort, 2005’s A Bigger Bang, was rather acclaimed.  Now, skipping over the blues-cover album Blue & Lonesome—which by accounts is damn good—we have Hackney Diamonds.  Charlie, rest his soul, plays on some of the tracks, and on others the drummer is session stalwart Steve Jordan.  Mick, Keith, and Ronnie kept on keeping on.

Peter: Their 26th studio album! And the 6th we’ve tackled.

Tyler: That’s incredible.  Our accomplishment, I mean, not the band’s.  They’re lazy.

Look, don’t get me wrong.  I’m glad these guys are still out there making music.  They can sonically do whatever the hell they want, far as I’m concerned.  They’ve earned that right.

Peter: I saw an interview with Mick and he talked about the production. As you mentioned, this album is very slick. Producer Andrew Watt gives it a real radio-friendly sheen, which is what Mick wanted. He wanted it to sound like 2023. I agree they’ve earned the right to sound how they want to sound. Though I wonder what Keith really thinks about the whole thing. They’ve also earned the right to experiment with different genres and styles. If Mick and Keith and Ronnie are playing it, it’s Rolling Stones music. That being said, to my ear, this sounds like a Mick Jagger solo album.

Tyler: Yeah!  Man, I asked for Goddess In The Doorway for Christmas when I was an adolescent.  I got it, and man, what a terrible gift.

As for Hackney Diamonds, that makes me want Keith to get his wishes the next time around, if they don’t wait until they’re dead.

Peter: I was going to ask if this is better than Goddess In The Doorway!

Tyler: I think Rob Thomas was one of the heavy-hitters on that legendary platter.

Peter: Nice.

Okay, they kick things off with the lead single, “Angry.”

Tyler: This one for me doesn’t take off until the coda.  The rest of it, the chorus, is very catchy.  But those backing vocals are by far what I like most here.

Peter: I like this one. It feels vaguely like “Start Me Up,” but in a good way. And Mick sounds terrific.

Tyler: His voice is in fine shape throughout the LP.  That’s pretty damn impressive.o sound ageist, but it is pretty incredible.

Peter: I don’t want to sound ageist, but it is pretty incredible.

Tyler: Eh, age it up.  These guys have been doing this for more than sixty years.  It’s science.

Peter: It’s true.

Wikipedia told me that , “Jagger said that the song was loosely inspired by the 2005 film, Night at the Museum.”

Tyler: Fuck outta here.

Peter: The Glimmer Twins share writing credit with producer Andrew Watt on the first three songs. No writing credits for Wood on this album.

Tyler: I saw Watt’s credit when looking at the Grammy nominations that were released a couple days ago.  That certainly sounds right.

Peter: I wasn’t familiar with him going in, but he’s a big-time pop producer?

Tyler: Also sounds right.

Leads neatly into our second track, “Get Close.”  More romance from Mick!

Peter: He’s written so many songs. They can’t mean anything anymore.

Not that it matters.

Tyler: It’s always a little hard to buy his tales of relationship woe and longing.  The guy can’t possibly be hung up by women at this point in his promiscuous life and mountainous career, can he?

Peter: Exactly! Anyway, I think the chorus is a bit boring.

Tyler: The bridge is okay?

Peter: With the sax solo?

Tyler: The “Tell me I’m the only man ya ever dream about” sequence.  It’s okay.  It’s fine.

Your observation looms ever larger.  Mick solo album.

Peter: Yeah, that bit is better than the “I want to be close to you” bit. I agree. That sax solo has strong “Waiting On A Friend” vibes.

Those guitars want to be crunchier than they are. They really polished all the personality out of the band.

Tyler: It just doesn’t sound like the Stones.  Every once in awhile you get a riff or a lick with some promise, but they never take off.  I’m a fan of the chugging strums in “Angry,” but even then the sheen is too much.

Peter: Agreed.

Next up?

“Depending On You” sounds like a mid-nineties radio friendly unit shifter. It sounds like vintage Hootie or Dave Matthews.

Tyler: Oh man.

Peter: I’m not hating! It’s a pretty good song!

Tyler: I had it in my head earlier today.  The hook is decent.

Peter: It just doesn’t sound like the Stones.

Tyler: Not even close.

I mean, discouraged as I was by this album, I went back and gave A Bigger Bang a relisten.  Now that LP works.  That one breathes and the songwriting is far better.

Peter: Interesting. I should go listen to that again. I remember it being more of a “Keith” record.

Tyler: The opener, “Rough Justice,” is all-time kick-ass rock.  Adore that song.

Our next Hackney track has a Beatle on it!  The streams are crossed!

Peter: You said crossing the streams was bad!

Tyler: Actually, I learned awhile back that Lennon produced an unreleased solo Jagger track called “Too Many Cooks.”  If I recall correctly, it had a real strut to it.

Peter: I remember that!

Tyler: It’s certainly a damn sight better than said next track, “Bite My Head Off.”

“Bite My Head Off” is trash.

Paul on fuzz bass doesn’t help a damn thing.  This is no good!

Peter: This is our Skip & Shannon moment!

I don’t mind this! Obviously, it’s kind of a throwaway, but I like the bass solo. Mick chiding him, “Come on, Paul! Let’s hear something.” It’s fan service, but I don’t care. I want to hear a Beatle play with The Rolling Stones.

Tyler: I can’t get over the “Yeahhhh!” Mick lets loose early in the tune.  It sounds like John Mulaney imitating Jagger’s reaction to a good joke.

It feels fake-hard.  The audio compression really kills any rough-and-tumble qualities.

Peter: Yeah, I can see that. I wish we could get a Jimmy Miller circa 1970 mix of this album.

Tyler: Ooh.  That’d be fascinating, in the very least.

Peter: He might find our next track challenging.

Tyler: This is some seriously Aldous stuff.

“Whole Wide World.”

Peter: Again, this does not sound like The Stones. This sounds like ’80s New Wave. Or those bands from the aughts that were influenced by ’80s New Wave.

The Killers, maybe?

Tyler: Oh man.  Like a softer Killers.

Peter: I actually like it, but it doesn’t sound like The Stones.

I like the “Dreary streets of London” bit.

Tyler: See, that stretch really rubs me the wrong way.  An album ago, Mick was singing “Sweet Neo Con.”  Now he’s purring played-out laments about city life.

Peter: There’s that. Mick wondering what the Serfs care about.

Side A ends with “Dreamy Skies.”

Tyler: Now this one ain’t bad.

Peter: I agree. It’s the Stones doing country, and it’s one of the good ones of that.

Tyler: Mick’s taking it seriously.  When he plays country straight, it’s great and often awesome.

Peter: They did that album of blues covers. I’d love to get an album of old country songs from them.

Tyler: Oh, now, that is a brilliant idea.

Man, why couldn’t the whole album have more stuff like this?  It feels genuine.

Peter: I’d love to hear that Jimmy Miller mix on this one.

Tyler: Hear hear.

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